‘Aging Radically’ Reflection

“Life is equal to your contributions to Love and Laughter,” and “maintain a sense of humor.” These were panelists Bob Beeman and Ardis Westwood’s respective closing statements. In past conversations, this was sometimes a chance for panelists to soliloquize on their argued position regarding a hot-button topic. And while this conversation certainly delved into divisive waters, discussing religion, healthcare, and death with dignity laws, these closing statements demonstrated the unity of the human spirit which travels across those divides, ending the conversation in so little words of truth. 

Jane Barton, an author, national speaker, and educational consultant, was our third panelist, and brought her wisdom on what truly comprises the essence of life. She spoke graciously about spirituality, the fear of the unknown, and the greater fear—that of the exit, of your final wishes not being possible. She encouraged communities of care, so that in situations of taking care of an aging loved one, it shouldn’t have to all be on one person, especially if that compromises their own care. 

Audience members asked questions and shared experiences mainly about caretaking. These vulnerable moments left the individual and really became a part of the collective as everyone shared similar stories. Panelists shared resources, including Death Cafes, of which all of the panelists take part in, and ways to speak with your family on such a difficult topic as your final wishes. It was clear that a plan can save a lot of pain down the line. 

There was much to say about our culture’s difficulty with receiving help with grace, on how aging is almost seen as a failure, despite its universal nature. Ardis, who is 95, shared how she is able to do so with joy, and how letting go of control while being active in preparation has brought many good memories with her family during these elder years. She emphasized that not everyone can do what so much of the audience has done—which is caretake. She expressed her admiration and acknowledged the courage that it takes. Angela emphasized the gift that comes from that courage—that caretaking is sacred work. 

This conversation demonstrated how much of life is a balancing act—of acceptance and control, wishes and needs, courage and fear, humiliation and honor; known and unknown. Jane Barton closed the conversation out with an image of not knowing what lies beyond the horizon, but believing wholly in its glimmer. Where some feared a loss of will in aging, Bob found freedom, citing it as his favorite aspect of getting older. In the end, aging radically revealed itself to be a way of responding to life’s contradictions with laughter and love.